asheville

Everyone has got their first loves, those people they just can't seem to shake from their lives. We love them and we hate them. We wish that things were different. So what happens when you shake yours? When you're free but everyone else ois crawling back into those familiar comfortable caves? Maybe I'm a cynic. Maybe I've just had one too many lonely drinks and tokes with no one by my side. The truth is that there are few things lonelier than wishing there was a love soaked warm body next to yours when your bed is cold and empty and smells like vodka and there are two happy people -- close and touching --- 3 feet away from your head.

So I cried. Alone and drunk and miserable. I dragged my body into the bathroom and took 2 more shots. I don't think that either of them saw me, but part of me wishes they had. I'll take any kind of comfort I can get.

I think barely anything of myself these days, second place at best runs through my head again and again. But at the same time I try to remind myself that I sell myself short. That I give myself away too easily and that I should just hold out for the best. For the best situations and people and friends. I am lonely up here in the mountains. I need a familiar hug and and kiss and an "everything is already  perfectly ok."

I need to shut the fuck up.

College is strange because you don't have the true friends you had back home. The ones that you can cry into and let everything go. They're not here. You've just got qa handful of new people, and it's much too scary to let these things go with them. I am lonely all of the time.

Dear Caitlin,

I am only posting this because I am too much of a fucking pussy to call you. I still read your posts and I miss you and I want to hang out with you soon.

Love,

Lauren.

Currently Listening Blueberry Boat By The Fiery Furnaces see related

I got into the Art Institute of Chicago.

chyeah.

Currently Listening Family Tree By Bellafea see related

I stay up late nights listening to Bellafea and drawing giant caterpillars.

Does anyone else out there live their life as though they are a character in a movie?

I do.

I have come to a point in my life where I can look back and say that I have experienced things. I can look back from where I stand now and feel that I have lived. I could never do that before, everything always had the same monotonous feeling. Some days I say that I am living. That great mystery of where I am and what I do when I am not in school, it's just living most of the time. School makes me feel so restless and contained. So I don't go very often, and perhaps I am getting myself into a big mess, but I don't think that it is anything I can't handle. So for those who think that I skip school and get stoned, you're so very wrong.

I have walked in woods and along beaches. I have read. I have slept in the backseats of cars and dreamed a thousand things. I have slept in arms. I have driven up and down. I have written my stories. I have treated myself. I have comforted. I have been comforted. I have come to realizations. I have taken photographs. I have sat in the cold. I have raced to the finish. I have loved and been loved. I have woken up. I've just begun.

photobyLance.

I can't sleep tonight.

I don't really want to anyway.

No one is what they seem and everyone is the same.

Think fast or slip and choke on these words that are irrelevant anyway irrelevant to the crash and the rise of the empire in the sea that beckons you in your sleep from dreams you reach for again and again

Currently Listening Kill the Moonlight By Spoon see related

You made me a ghost for that night and I stole the evidence.

I fucking miss you.

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I have changed lately and I can feel it. Grown up withered away lost in space. Split this sideways, make sure there's enough to go around. Come on come on come on.

I promise.

I am lost. eternally. externally notified distinguished standing on top of some building in the far east where you were swept away suddenly in a near death accident.

Is it just me or do I get stranger every day?

I love strangers.

color me until I am all filled up from top to bottom you will see my truth in a spectacular demonstration in the way life is supposed to be.

fuck da police.

Keep me safe and out of harms way please.

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Define my life right now with a song.

We get high in backseats of cars
We break into mobile homes
We go to sleep to shake appeal
Never wake up on our own

And that's the way we get by
The way we get by
And that's the way we get by
The way we get by

We go out in stormy weather
We rarely practice discern
We make love to some with sin
We seek out the taciturn

And that's the way we get by
The way we get by
And that's the way we get by
The way we get by
And that's the way we get by
The way we get by
The way
And that's the way we get by
That's the way we get by

We found a new kind of dance in a magazine
Tried it out, it's like nothin' you've ever seen
You sweet talk like a cop, an' you know it
You bought a new bag of pot
So let's make a new start
And that's the way to my heart
The way to my heart

And that's the way we get by
The way we get by
And that's the way we get by
The way we get by
The way
And that's the way we get by
That's the way we get by

We get high in backseats of cars
We put faith in our concerns
Fall in love to down on the street
We believe in the sum of ourselves

And that's the way we get by
The way we get by
And that's the way we get by
The way we get by
And that's the way we get by
The way we get by
The way
And that's the way we get by
That's the way we get by

Thanks, I appreciate it.

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Round it out.